July 27, 2012


Song: The Gambler- Fun.
Mood: Wistful.

Fun. is probably one of my most favorite bands in the world. Them and La Dispute and Rise Against of course, but my music tastes have definitely moved on a bit. Stretched. I don't dislike genres like Rise Against, my likes are just getting a bit wider.

The song I'm listening to is so amazing- love like that is what I'm searching for. Not on the internet, don't get that wrong with me. I want it to be real and in person so that person can prove to me they're not in it for just physical reasons.

Anyways, back on topic. "Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields I will not leave, I will not leave 'till it's our time. So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side."

I want that so bad that when I hear a song that describes it, a movie that shows it, I start bawling my eyes out. I know a lot of girls want it. But no one girl feels that want in the same way. So I am not embarrassed to have this want stuck up on this blog.

July 25, 2012

I still see your ghost.

Song: Some Nights- Fun.
Mood: Annoyed.

Just like the song I'm listening to, some nights I don't know what I stand for. Most nights actually. What do I stand for? Who am I? I have no more idea than last year or the year before. I haven't known who I was since before elementary when I found that I didn't make friends well. I changed and now I'm paying the price. At least, that's what I like to think.

I hope that maybe someday I will be me. Because I can't truly love anyone until I find myself.

July 23, 2012

Food! Hunger!

Song: ...
Mood: Spring-in-my-step Good!

Italiano or 日本の (Japanese)? Food, not ethnicity.
I've been pretty obsessed with both for awhile. And I want to visit both places someday! But with all the talk on how Japan is having crises lately I've been having second thoughts.

My birthday is on Friday this week and I've been asking for a bento. For those of you who aren't well-versed with the workings of Japan culture, it's a lunch box. I want this one- Kotobuki 2-tiered bento. It's cherry wood with sakura flowers painted on top. I've asked my mom but I think she wants an American child. Jeez. I'll buy it myself.

I've been looking into making bento lunches. I live in a farm town and I have no idea where I'll get half of the yummy stuff! Maybe in the next town over. I hope. I'm thinking about getting a couple bento cookbooks... specifically, these- The Manga Cookbook and Ten-Minute Bento .

I'm a happy girl ^^

July 22, 2012


Song: Story of a Girl- 9 Days
Mood: doomed (in love. Doomed in love.)
Movie: The Soloist

At church, my pastor and this guy got into it about free will. The guy's view was very... Calvinistic and fatalistic. He said that if God knows everything, makes a path for us based on our future decisions, then we have no free will. Pastor was saying that we have choices. But the guy was like... but if God knows our choices, then there are no real choices. What I said was that God wants us to be Christians, but can't make us be. He creates us to follow his path and I personally think he only lays out opportunities, not our fate.

To put it lightly, what I said ended the argument. Booyah.

I don't even know if I truly believe. I don't agree with a ton of what the Bible says and the morals it's built on- I mean... if we don't know God, even if we're good people, we're sent to hell forever? It's our eternal punishment? Punishment is to make someone learn, not to go on forever. I don't think that's right.
But maybe whoever wrote/translated the Bible got some things wrong? I don't know.

July 20, 2012


Song: You Make Me Wanna Die- The Pretty Reckless
Mood: comfortable.

You likey my new blog template? It's not me, fyi- it's this girl I met at a camp I went to. She was so calm, it was ridiculous...

Quote #2

Song: Staring at the Moon- Bruno Mars
Mood: hopeful (still)
Movie: It's Kind Of A Funny Story...
(Since there is no tabbing, a new line is a new paragraph.)

Dev takes his arm and puts it right against mine, skin to skin, sweat on sweat, touch on touch. Then he glides his hand into mine and intertwines our fingers.
"This," he says. "This is why the Beatles got it."
"I'm afraid I'm not following..."
"Other bands, it's about sex. Or pain. Or some fantasy. But the Beatles, they knew what they were doing. You know the reason the Beatles made it so big?"
"'I Wanna Hold Your Hand.' First single. F*cking brilliant. Perhaps the most f*ucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That's what everyone wants. Not 24/7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a porsche or a blow job or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they can't hide. Every single successful love song of the past 50 years can be traced back to 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand." And every single successful love story has those unbearable and unbearably exciting moments of hand holding. Trust me. I've thought a lot about this."
-Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist

Amazing book.

Bob Dylan- Genius.

Song: Hold On- Hawthorne Heights
Mood: hopeful
MOVIE: It's Kind Of A Funny Story...

Sometimes I post because I want to share an awesome song/movie/feeling. Like right now.

Kinda. I do have something on my mind..

In It's Kind Of A Funny Story... the guy, Craig, is completely overwhelmed with life and friends and girls and school. And I know how that is. You see all the hard things about life, how you're stuck in one place and you're working towards something you don't want to do. And in the end... Craig's friend Bobby quotes a Bob Dylan song 'It's Alright, Ma (I'm only bleeding)'. It was "He who is not busy being born is busy dying." And I was reminded, again, of how good I have it compared to the schizophrenic people, the homeless people, the lifeless people. And I realized I was busy thinking about what I'm going to do, not actually doing it. And life became important again.

If you have a good sense of humor, love Zach Galifianakis, and need a boost in life, this amazing movie is for you.

July 19, 2012

Ready? Let's roll onto something new.

Song: Somebody Told Me- The Killers
Mood: Tired, expectant

My brother's best, most awesome girlfriend he loves had to move to Hawaii to finish schooling since her parents moved there. He's torn to pieces over it. Mom, trying to help, overcrowds him. Always wanting to take him out places. Trying to force company on him.

If he wanted company, he'd get it. He's like me in that aspect- sometimes I need to be sad over things by myself.

I get her aspect of "if you aren't alone, there's less chance of thinking about it", but for our family, it's rarely true.

Hasta :)

July 18, 2012


Song: da, da da. Da, da da. Da, da da, da da.... (low, high low. Low, high low. Low, high low, high low...)
Mood: Dazzled

I'm not much for shopping when I'm looking for something specific- talk about a headache and a half. (This is why I don't go shopping with people very often. Too much focus). When I shop online, though, I get less headache and don't have to talk to any other shoppers/store workers (no offense to you who work that area). And I found some wonderful finds on the Journeys website and the ModCloth website. Here are a couple pictures (and the links).

Hoo, Me? Skirt
It's a Sher-bet Dress

ModCloth has all sorts of awesome stuff. For your apartment, for your oddball friend... it's a wonderful website and (most of) the stuff is affordable by my (an average-household) standards.

Womens Not Rated Iris Casual Shoe - BlackWomen's Not Rated Iris Casual Shoe- black
LOVE Journeys ^^

Of course, me having no job means me having no awesome stuff. Sigh.


Song: New Moon- Alexandre Desplat
Mood: Booooooored

Modcloth and Etsy! Awesome clothing and knicknacks.
Also... check out The Road Is Home . Nirrimi is a great inspiration artistically and just in a general sense. She has found her passion.

My theory is that everyone has a passion. Even the most sloth-like person could potentially be a nuclear physicist or some other. I think to be the happiest you can be, you need to have that obsession, that passion.

I'm trying to find mine. My challenge to you- find yours.